1 Rong Road

After a long time,for about 10 months I think,,,finally a blog.

I know everything is changed by now,I don’t have same readers as before but still for my personal satisfaction I am writing this simple blog,nothing technical nothing complex.

Now I have transformed from a college dude to a working class sober man….i think I am sober hahaha. But now I am working in Accenture, currently living in Pune,completely different from my last city i.e Mumbai.

In these 10 months I become chess champion in my company. With learning of just 6 months I crossed 1800 ELO Rating which in chess world is very fast. & big thing is I did it while being in my job training. People start chess in their childhood like 6 or 7 while I start playing at age 22. So you can guess how much late I was. But I played some of the extraordinary & creative games in such short period of time. Here people don’t accept that I started playing just 6 months ago hahaha.

But really Chess has completely transformed my life. First of all it showed me what I am capable of. If I can excel in such new challenges,I can excel in many new challenges too. Literally I was so addictive in chess,I had to stay away from the board for 3 months, but even after 3 months I beat players who were regularly playing. That was unbelievable & unimagined. 

Now i don’t play it anymore but I usually do practice openings,tactics & strategy.

But what I am going to share in this blog is 1 wrong decision I made in Mumbai.

I was so happy at starting because the group I got was extremely funny. I had so many great moments with them. Then I befriend with 1 girl. She was great no doubt. But when she got engaged with ny group she reacted very differently with me. Maybe she got interested in 1 of my friend,I never cared but she starts ignoring me & I felt about myself. Im due course of time I come to know that I was the face of their backbitching. Suddenly my group fall apart & the people whom I trusted so much behaved so differently just because of 1 girl. 

In that time I decided to ignore them & complete devotion to my games. Chess helped me alot in diverting my mind from negativities & focussed myself on sharpening my skills. Whole january I played more than 100 games & after that I never looked back. Well I came to know some harsh truth of human nature & social relationships but I am satisfied about that 1 RIGHT ROAD which I have chosen. 

Thank you all for taking your time in reading such boring blog😄😄😄

Dilemma

Again history repeats itself. The girl whom I like is prefering my friends more. It’s weird but this time I was well prepared so I cut off with her. But scenario are different now. 

That time I was making car,this time I am playing chess. With just 5 months if practice I am beating people who are playing since childhood. Tactical,strategical & in all other aspects, I have improved alot. But in due course I went far far away from my friends. My social life completely fucked up & I am a big loner now who is no more intrested in people & their talks & never gets out of his room. The only 2 things in my mind are chess & she & I am extremely good in 1st thing while extremely bad in 2nd. 

I was sad when she called my friend,told him about her problems instead of me. So I simply left his room & came back to mine. Wanted some time alone so I went to terrace & I was thinking about my reality which is completely shattered. But then I saw a plane in the sky. & I was thinking there are more bikes on roads than flights in sky still people stare those planes. It’s because plane’s engines are so powerful that it lift up the plane from ground while bikes engines can’t. So I should be more focussed on my chess.

But reality is it’s extremely hard when nobody is watching & appreciating your efforts. When you have friends but nobody to talk. I observed in myself that I am not desperate for gf either. If that would be the case, I would have been learning guitar rather than boring chess. I want strong people around me who are desperate to make the difference in this world. The truth is people around me are unable to understand my thoughts & work. They are much more towards instant smaller joy rather than long term achievements. On the other hand my introvertism has completely changed me. I hate talking about companies,foods,neighbors,teachers etc which are short term. Instead I prefer to talk about major issues which are hard to solve & involved complete mind heck. But people especially girls don’t understand it. They prefer guys who show them that they are nice & funny & cool & take them to the bar instead of a guy who is playing on 64 squares board in a room. 

I have no complain with my fate & God. I may not get smaller things but I got many big things too like my Canadian & Serbian friends who always gave me another chances. I am not sure how long they will stay with me but still… 

My imaginations & dreams are very beautiful but my reality is very shattered & I am caught up in this web of imbalance. The truth is I simply can not hold both of thimgs because if i start interacting with people then I feel I am wasting my time & not practicing properly & I simply cann’t compromise with my chess.I asked my friend & he gave me very diplomatic answer. He was correct but I got the sense that he never wears my shoes that’s why he don’t know how much it biting me & thats why he is saying it so casually & diplomatically. 

So finally I decided to write a blog & thought if any experienced person can figure it out whether i am right or wrong. 

SANTA WENT TO ALLEPPO

What if Santa Claus would be real.

What if he went to Alleppo to give gift to those children.

What will those children ask for their gifts.

Chocolates or their family???

Will Santa be able to give them their happiness? Will Santa be able to brimg smile on their scared faces? Will Santa be able to explain that Allah & God are One?? Will Santa be able to erase all those deadly memories?

What will happen if SANTA WENT TO ALLEPPO???????

My Trick

My trick is working. Hahahha..

Sorry,..My trick of making friends is working.

The day i joined my company i observed people engaged in friendship so fast & i felt left out. I was like ” will i ever be able to make friends?” 

But i simply followed the path which i took in my last year of engineering college. “Be Yourself”. 

People always tends to attract with those people who are confident & focussed on their own work. Like I was focussed on my art few months ago & now in Chess. Within a week I become well known figure in chess in my company. Everybody surrounds my table when they see that I am playing Chess. Whether it’s white or black,slow or fast chess, I have rocked in every genre. But the most shocking thing happened when I lost with 1 guy & I was continuously thinking for 4 hours in my training room,analyzing where I did the mistake. My friends who sit along with me were shocked that I am not at all noticing what’s happening in class & simply sitting in 1 corner thinking about something. When they came to know the reason they were shocked that how come somebody behave like this!!! & after that they really got attracted. FYI I beat that guy brutally after 4 hrs😂😂😂😂 But after that incident I stand apart from rest of the batch. 

When I joined the company I saw many good looking guys & girls in my batch & i was depressed that I will stand nowhere among them. No girl will ever look at me. But few days ago I simply said Hi to a girl because we are in same batch & she was passing by me. We reached office early that day so we had coffee together & all of a sudden we started some conversation & by no time we become so good friends that everytime we hang out with eachother. I like her  the first time I saw. She is superhot than me that’s why I rejected my feelings & suppressed it. Now we become good friends. I’m not sure about her feelings & maybe it’s quite early to say anything & I am very dumb to understand what a girl think & want but on 12th december I am switching my office to a new place. It’s bad😪.

But I am happy that there are people who wants to be my friends. I never approached anyone like evrybody else does. I never went to a girl & ask something. I simply sit on my chair & thinking something in complete silence but people come to me & become my friends while i never utter a single word. 

I’ll surely miss her but I am just unable to express her. Hope she will figure it out by herself. 

Mumbai

Finally I got my call letter from Accenture. I am going to join this company on 4th November & my location is Mumbai. Well I got my first preference.

It’s a kind of mixed feeling & there are many reasons. Like Accenture is a world renowned company . So I am happy for being a part of it. But on the other hand it’s not core for electrical engineers. 

2nd reason I am in very much doubt for choosing Mumbai. It’s extremely crowded city. Well that’s not my problem because from past 7 years I am living very far from my family. My problem is as my introvertness is increasing day by day it’s definitely going to be hard interacting with other colleagues . But still I am ready for this challenge.

3rd my ultimate dream of going to europe is still at stake & it’s a compulsion for me to fulfill that dream in next year by applying jobs or other universities. 

I know I am very talented but still my present scenario isn’t that good as it’s looking like.

 Leaving my hometown on 3rd evening for starting a new life. 

Finger crossed.

DEEP IN INTROVERTISM

Yesterday was my convocation which i didn’t attended. My friends were very angry because it was the last time all our college friends were together & I was the only one who was absent. I told them the reason that I wasn’t able to made 40 hrs train journey alone & that too just for 2 days but everyone said 1 thing ” It’s only you who don’t want to come, If people will like something they can go anywhere,crossing every limit. They won’t give any excuses. It was only you who is responsible so don’t give any excuse”. In reality they were actually true. Even I was also not in any mood to meet any of them. it’s not because of my ego., I am not egoistic at all but it was because of my introvert behavior. Now I am avoiding all interactions with everyone just because my mind is not allowing me to do that.

I always made small group of friends since my childhood & I used to talk too much among them but I was never interested in anyone outside that group. I never realized this behavior until I entered in college. Some friends accused me for remaining silent & walking alone & walking behind when I used to be in my friend circle. I never knew this word & I never even realized that it’s a type of behavior. I thought everyone used to be like me. But in 2nd year when I observed large group of friends where half are girls half are boys, I felt demoralized & low that why I can’t live a life like them. I considered there life very cool. But when I observed them closely,I was surprised that how can somebody laugh at such cheap jokes & their topic of interactions are so fake & their arguments & opinions are so shallow. I realized that I can’t make such cheap jokes & debate with such shallow arguments. I can’t do anything which don’t have long term implications like I don’t believe smoking or bike riding because I simply don’t find anything attractive in these things. Anybody can ride bike,anybody can smoke, what’s the big deal in it,what’s so special about it. I love to learn new things,I love listening people who  makes sensible talks,I prefer listening over speaking but I can’t stand a second when useless talks are going on.

Everything changed in my 3rd year when my love got committed with my very good friend & my friend did nothing to stop it even after he knew everything about my feeling. I was more shocked when none of my friend came in front to say that what happened is wrong.  Everybody knew everything but nobody said a word. In those days I was trying hard to interact with people more &more & to act like a party guy but  from that day I lost my faith from friendship & I start preferring isolation. I start living alone even when I had 4 room mates. In final year I went to 1 of my fiend’s room & 1 psychology book was lying on his table. i read 3 pages & there I get to know this “INTROVERT” term first time. I went back to my room & researched more on it & I realized that this is who I am. I am not shy,definitely, I have no problem approaching girls,talking to foreigners or even with big post professional people but I simply avoid human interactions. I like rhythm but I hate noise.

The day i accepted that i am introvert my whole life got changed. i ma extremely good in my work side. I learned professional chess in so short time. Nothing is harder for me, my mind works in different pace. I can learn anything. But I failed terribly in my love life,relationship,somewhat in friendship too & overall in my private life. My emotions are so intense that if I don’t love anything I won’t do it at all but if I do I will dive too deep into it & when things failed it become hard for me to get out of that emotion.

Now my introversion is becoming a big problem for me. like now I have learned almost everything I want,watched every movie I want to see,did everything I want to do but still my brain is so hungry. It needs new thing to learn,new people to talk,new love to make. Now I want change in my life, a huge change but I simply don’t know how & when these changes will come.