FRAGMENTS

8th September 2015 – Parma, Italy

Resting in the room available to me, I texted you, hoping to share one of my greatest achievement of my life. You asked ‘Why I am texting you if I am in Italy?’  I said because I want to but you became nervous and that conversation didn’t last for more than 5 minutes. I am writing this blog to tell you the real reason why I texted you that time. All the beautiful or weird backstories that happened behind the curtain of which you are unaware.

June 2011 – Kota

Didn’t want to but no other option left, I decided to take drop & come to Kota again. Guha Sir was my favourite but since I never studied to any top-notch faculty of Bansal ever during my 2 years, so I chose Allen where I can get all top teachers under one roof.

Hardly 3 days passed by, me & Ahsan while going out during snacks break, I saw you first time. You were smiling over something & putting your books inside the bag. The first moment I saw you I loved your smile so much that I said Ahsan “Me is ladki ko ek din pataunga”. He laughed & said “Ha ha dekhte he” & we left the class.

I had no idea that my life is going to change so much after that sentence. The same day after class you were standing with your friends Ila & Tanu when Ahsan said that you were looking at me & I said “ Bhai abhi se shuru ho gya tu” but for next 10 months he continuously make fun of me by your name. He always said that Akshita is looking at you & I said bro she is looking at window & then he brings his weird optics concepts to prove that. It was his favourite game 😀 😀

I am pure backbencher, never in my life I ever sit in front bench unless teachers forced me to sit. One day

Ahsan – “Aj aage bethte he”

Me – “Kyu”

He – “Are tujhe use pataana he ya nahi!!”

Me – “Nahi, me itna serious nahi. Maine us din aise hi bol diya tha”

He – (Laughed) “Accha thik he mat serious hona lekin atleast apni existence to dikha ki Shivam naam ka koi ladka he. Usko itne ladke dekhte he, baat karna chahte he, use kaise pta lagega itne ladko ke beech me tub hi he”

Me – “Ha to use pta chal bhi gaya to bhi kya hone wala he usse. Vo kabhi bhaav to dene wali nahi. Fir kya faayda”

He – “Ha to loss bhi kya usme. Agar kabhi baat karne ka chance mil gya to”

He persuaded me convincingly & that was the first time I sat on front bench with my own will. It doesn’t took much time to realise your preferred spot & I choose the one from which I can see you comfortably. And it doesn’t took much time for my feelings to grow more & more. I can now say that you were my crush, but this crush was something different, something very beautiful.

I admit I fall for your smile the first time, but as time and our classes passed by it was your big beautiful eyes that forced me to stare at you for longer time. For many days, when you were talking to Ila & Tanu, I was just drowning in your eyes thinking will I ever be able to talk to you. Thinking will it be ever possible to be true what I said the first time. Like every other guys I also become scared to talk to my crush. Also you always scored 40-42 marks more than me in unit tests. In one exam I performed so good but again you scored 41 marks more & I was like I am gonna kill this girl soon…. Hahahaha 😀 Then one day I got this plan to talk to you. I bought Add gel Achiever pen & in class, I threw that near to your foot, thinking that you will ask to me about pen. However, you asked only girls & they said No & then you keep it in your bag. I was like wth & Ahsan laughed so hard at me. & also you are left-hander and the way you write, you keep whole notebook perpendicular, I saw that writing style first time. So later, when you used my pen to write I told Ahsan that see she is writing from my pen & he said yes, she will again score 40 marks more than you from that pen. Fuck you is the only thing he deserved 😀

Things starts turning & I know you won’t believe it, when I saw your dreams back to back 40 days & every dreams comes true. I remember one which I will share with you. You & Ila were roaming in a park. Btw by that time I didn’t know Ila’s name so I was very curious to know that. So in park I asked you & you become nervous & told me to ask her directly. She said I will tell you tomorrow. The next day in class, she came late & sits in front of me. She took out here practice paper in which she has written her name & her name was in front of my eyes for enough time. I was like “Fuck man, my dreams do come true. With Akshita, there must be some different kind of connection. Fate, destiny or god, don’t know what but there is some invisible thing which wants us to be together.” I know you will find it silly but if I could remember all my 40 dreams, I would have write a whole book on it. Nevertheless, I knew by then that with you it is something different.

So after few months I become restless to know your hostel. I was living in Indra Vihar colony. Thought you live far I was imagining if I would come to know your hostel, I will roam around it no matter how far it will be. After few days I saw you in your scooty “ Honda Aviator” passing from my home. You can’t imagine how excited I was. I think your no. was MP-11 G – 6996. I don’t remember much but no. was somewhat similar to it. But I was very excited because I knew that your home comes in my way 7 then new question arises “Exactly where”. Since I was on foot, so I can’t match your speed. So a new challenge arrived. When one day I was on my way to home after meeting a friend who lives near modern public school & you passed by. I again get excited and ran behind you but you got lost. My mess owner meets me & he started preaching saying “Shivam, tubahut accha ladka he, mera 3 saal se regular customer raha he isliye samjha rha hu padhai karlo” & I was thinking Bhaiyya baad me kabhi baat kar lena abhi mujhe us ladki ka ghar dekhna he, but he consumes my 15 minutes. So I was sad & when I walk little more I saw your scooty outside of your house. I was so so so happy that you lives near my house. It was unbelievable. I literally believed there is God who is writing my story. Every evening when I go for a walk I always crosses your house in the hope that I will see you in balcony, which happened many times, & very soon, I come to know that you are living with your family, with your mom and brother.

But the biggest game of fate was still left. Please believe me whatever written here is true. Diwali was near so do our holidays. I didn’t know when you are leaving Kota but I didn’t gave it much thought because after 10 days anyhow we will be back. But one evening when I was coming from market & crossing the same road I saw you with one guy lifting your bag & putting it auto. I was shocked that man I just thought once & here I got my answer. I was happily going home but suddenly this conversation happened –

Heart – ‘Shivam you should follow her’

Mind – ‘Wtf you are talking, how can he follow her?’

Heart – ‘I don’t know, just go follow her, go to railway station’

Mind – ‘Don’t talk nonsense, she is in auto, there is no point following her’

Heart – ‘ Shivam, you are failing anyway, what if you meet her in station and you both see each other and she will recognise you & realise that you came for her. Who knows she will start liking you after then. I know there’s very less possibility but just go for it. & why fate show you today at the perfect time that she is leaving now. She might have gone earlier or later, but you saw her at the perfect time. Why ? “

& my mind has no answer so I finally go with my heart. I rushed to my home, took the money, take the first auto and proceed towards railay station. That 40 minute ride was one of my most nervous ride. But I was like I will saw you & talk to you there. But when I reached there I was shocked. When I saw the display I didn’t know which train you are taking because I didn’t know from which city you belong & also there was a huge rush. As I entered the platform I was like fuck man, there is huge crowd, how will I find her in these 5 platforms. First I thought to go to every platform & search you but then I decided to stand at overbridge & look for you from there. For 15 minutes I looked for you but didn’t saw you. I felt I was foolish that I come so far. She will never come to know what did I did for her. & as soon as I turned back I saw you entering the platform, among all the crowd, carrying your trolly bag. Thought you will go to other platform & you’ll cross this overbridge but you walk on same platform. Then I run so hard & as I reached Platform 1 I again lost you. I walked almost at last and suddenly I saw you. Your relative was there so I was nervous but was excited. & then you saw me too. We looked at each other for some time. I was sitting there till your train comes & you get inside of that AC Coach & train left. It was the happiest moment of my life. It was complete hopeless situation but in the end I met you.

January, when we love sunshine, I was planning to go to market. But I thought to pass from your house first. Just like that, hoping that might be today I will see you again. & I saw you were studying in balcony and suddenly you stood up, resting your hand on the rails, and had a look around. Since it was the ending time of our kota days, so I thought to stare at you directly in front of you. It’s now or never. One guy who was crossing by literally laughed hard after seeing me staring at you 😀 😀 😀 Don’t know how I become so bold that time. Maybe I had nothing to lose. But then you saw me too & you looked away. After few seconds you went inside & I thought you went to call your mom. I got little scared so I moved little far but then I saw you turned back looked at me again and again run inside. That was so so so amazing that even today after 6 years when I think about that I smiled. Wish you will ever do that again to me J

13th February – My last day in Allen & that last day I decided to talk to you. I met you on that small bridge. I stopped you in between. I was so scared & I forgot all the lines I prepared to initiate the conversation. I wanted to tell you how many amazing memories you have given me in these 10 months. But when I said I wanted to tell you something, you said “ Jo bhi bolna chahte ho mat bolo”. I said “ Lekin mujhe bolna he” & you replied “ lekin mujhe nahi sunna hai” . I lost my temper for which I am saying sorry now. That was the last time when I was meeting you & I didn’t wanted to left it incomplete. But you panicked more than me and you were running away & I also said “ Bye” thought that it’s so weird how this beautiful story is going to end. There’s nothing like fate, destiny etc. I was foolish that I think too much. It was nothing. That’s how it’s going to end. & I decided not to go from that road again.

When everything was finished, & for about 1 months I restrained myself from going to that road, there was still a question in my heart “When are you leaving from Kota permanently?” But my mind always restrained me back saying it was the end. Everything was illusion. Leave it right now. Don’t put yourself in misery. & one evening I thought let’s go, anyway there’s very less probability that I will see you,so no harm.

When I reached that turn I saw an auto standing in front of your house. I didn’t know your dad that time. So for me a man was loading the luggage in that auto. Suddenly I saw your brother coming from behind & loading the luggage too. My legs shaken & my heart & eyes starts searching for you. I walk little more & I saw your mom standing on the gate with some more bag & tears starts rolling my eyes. I really wanted to see you badly. Then from the other side of road I saw you were coming. Blue jeans & white top, your face was also down. I was on the other side of road,really wanted to cross that barrier, stand in front of you & give you a hug  but your parents were nearby & most importantly IIT exam was near. I stopped myself thinking that if I do that it might affect your studies. SO I stopped. Few minutes later you with your whole family left in front of me. I holded my tears for long but when I came home I simply couldn’t.

I thought maybe that’s how my story is going to end. Ahsan said atleast you were lucky that you saw her last time. I realised destiny exist. It was the perfect time, just like that Diwali scene, when I see you not before not after but at the perfect moment. I realised how come my one sentence and your one smile changed my whole journey. I realised how much I hated you in that last 1 month only because I loved you so much .

I thought that was the end. But after 7 years here we are again. Thought to tell you my story so many times but never found the right time but I feel before you also get engaged, I should tell you all this. You really deserved to know what happened behind the backstage. What makes me to text you in Italy & what makes me eager to talk to you before leaving to Germany. You deserve to know that though we don’t talk much often but still we have so many knots connected. YOU DESERVE TO KNOW.

P.S. – YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL.

 

 

 

 

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Eclipse

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I – QUARTZ

Expression of love, tranquility of lies

Half the street bright, half the moon light

Edge of your face, like a universe horizon

Where eclipse finds light, along with an emotion

II – AMETHYST

Breaking the barrier, breaking the chain

Your smile a river, my desert fetched the rain

That last calm evening, millions words in glossary

Under your final glimpse, I only left with sorry

III – SAPPHIRE

Sapphire blue of sky, getting darker in shade,

Ticking sounds from my wrist, million words still unsaid

Signalling it’s over, my canvas torn apart

You always the right, & I left with my art

IV – EPIPHANY

Not sure who was it, someone my alter ego

Colloquial with my locus, he says let her go

It’s not over yet & it’s not the last kite

Many more poems you still have to write…..

Like I will do..

Along the silent sea shore

Watching the ship sailing on the ocean

And cold breezes tangling your hair

Will you wish to swim across with me

Like I will do…

Walking on a narrow lane

Accompanying with drizzles and street lamps

When you will listen to the Coldplay songs

Will you feel the need of holding my hand

Like I will do……

All your friends sleeping

And your clock ticking too loud

And these confusions taking your strength away

Will you feel the need to talk to me

Like I will do…..

Losing battle with destiny

Failure becomes clearly visible

And a Good Bye seems inevitable

Will you still wanna fight for me

Like I will do…

In these cold dark nights

Under the shade of half moon

When we were million miles away from each other

Will you cherish our memories and moments we spent together

Like I will do….

In this heavenly and vibrant landscape

When your colors starts turning into sepia

And my image fades away from your eyes

Will you still allow me to reside deep in your heart

Like I will do……………………………………

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RING NEVER BECOMES

smoking-wallpapers

Gazing through my window

In the breeze running slow

Rows of palms

& dunes of castles

I saw a deep blue ocean

A beautiful ocean………

It gasped my mind

& my heart

& my eyes

& my soul

Carrying so many lives

Inside her water

A white shark

& also jelly fish

I saw a deep blue ocean

A beautiful ocean….

Peeping inside my life

Like a romantic movie

An innocent smile

& a positive vibe

I saw a girl

A beautiful girl…..

Carrying so many emotions

Inside her life

She closed my mind

& my heart

& my eyes

& my soul

I saw a girl

I saw a beautiful girl….

Listening to the radio

Playing records of my broken dreams

& flute of my lost confidence

& lyrics of crisp thoughts

& chorus of fake friendship

I hear a life

I hear a beautiful life…..

Carrying so many songs

Inside my reels

Some of proud

But some of honesty

I play a song

Of my reality

& I hear a life

I hear a beautiful life…..

Cigarette in my hand

Attempt of making rings

& thoughts of quitting it

I burned a flame

I again burned a flame….

In the cloud of smoke

I see a huge chaos

& crowd of my running thoughts

In attempt of making them silent

& attempt of making rings

I burned a flame

I again burned a flame….

In midst of smoke & I realize

Ocean never calms

Thought never stops

Song never ends

Ring never becomes

& love never comes

So I burned a flame

I again burned a flame…..

SONY’s Journey

wallpaper-desktop-sony-wallpapers.jpgWalkman, Vaio, Bravia, XPeria are just few names of this tradition changing brand – SONY. Their music system has literally thrilled our college life & those having their products were seen walking with so much proud & arrogance. But this decade doesn’t seems so promising for their brands & especially in Indian markets they are counting their last breath. PS4 alone counting 78% of their whole profits, their smartphones & laptops are almost in the coffin of dead products.

Founded by Masaru Ibuka & Akio Morita in Tokyo after World War 2, company’s first product “Electric Rice Cooker” was a massive failure. Their 2nd product “Electric Blanket Heater” was again a failure and all of a sudden their reputation was at stake. But a will to bring a change in the world didn’t stop them & their third product “Tape Recorder” which becomes a massive hit in Japan. later along with Western Electronics they got access of Transistors & made first Walkman which becomes a worldwide hit product & Sony entered in Global Market.

They also entered in Insurance company , music industry, cassettes & CD’s & with the strating of 90’s Internet Age & 21st century Digital Age, they entered in home theatres, DSLR’s cameras, smartphones & laptops. Among Indian consumers they were the first choice of electronics gadgets & many people including me bought Sony-Vaio & Sony Xperia. With stylish look & tough hardware they were well settled brand among us.

But with time they gradually fell. There were hardly any innovation in their products & design of all their smartphones were look alike. There were hardly any changes in their products. They stopped making something new & failed to present some new technologies in front of us. While on other hand Samsung & Apple were making constant progress in their technologies.  Then comes the Chinese brands MI,1+, oppo etc which were good as well as cheap and very rapidly they set up their market & replaced all those brands who refused to change their strategies.

Sony-Announces-the-Xperia-P-and-Xperia-U

 

Once I was looking for a laptop & I wanted to replace my Sony Vaio with new one but then I come to know that Sony has stopped production of Vaio. It was hard for me as a Sony lover because then I didn’t know anything about business & globalization.

When 1 reporter asked their CEO about their failure He said “Sony is too big company. We were just unable to bring change among all 1 lakhs of employees.” Along with it, in my opinion Japanese business culture is also responsible for their failure. In their culture they don’t suspend who are not productive & they tend to continue their partnership with  their old partners for long time because of which almost all Japanese brand including Kawasaki, Toshiba etc had failed to bring something new.

As Lord Krishna said in Bhagwad Gita “Change is the law of Nature” . & even Darwin’s theory stated ” It’s not the biggest or strongest who survived,it’s that species who is fast enough to adapt the changing condition is the one which survives” .  & Sony just failed to adapt the fast changing marketing environment of 21st century.

Here’s a link where you can get more info

Attached is the stock market performance of Sony since they entered in global market in 1970. 1998-2000 was their peak time but suddenly they fall drastically & now they are trying hard to gain profits (all because of their Play Station & Insurance sector).

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My CATIA’S Art

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It’s been a long time writing any blog but now I am back .

In the time of up & down, I got the job in Accenture & currently I am living in Pune. Best part is I am again room partner with my best college buddy. We are living same as we used to live in college. Though I am working in Accenture(an IT firm) there’s nothing I am doing like an IT employee 😀 . Drinking high profile beer on every Saturday night in “The Beer Café” life is going very chill which I actually don’t want .

So I have decided to go back to my past, where I was living my passion of art, chess & technology. Recently I have turned my interest in business & I have gain enough knowledge on Chess & Business & I think Blog is the best way to share my ideas with you guys. So I have started to write blog again.

I have chosen to share this Catia’s pic because it is something I am still proud of which in reality I made 2 years ago & I have very rare grip on Catia. Catia is one of the best product designing CAD tool which I learnt in my final year of engineering college. I hope you guys will like it.

My upcoming blogs will be about the art which I made, about chess openings & business view. I wish reader of my blog will share their view also since I am not perfect & made it a platform of sharing ideas.

 

 

1 Rong Road

After a long time,for about 10 months I think,,,finally a blog.

I know everything is changed by now,I don’t have same readers as before but still for my personal satisfaction I am writing this simple blog,nothing technical nothing complex.

Now I have transformed from a college dude to a working class sober man….i think I am sober hahaha. But now I am working in Accenture, currently living in Pune,completely different from my last city i.e Mumbai.

In these 10 months I become chess champion in my company. With learning of just 6 months I crossed 1800 ELO Rating which in chess world is very fast. & big thing is I did it while being in my job training. People start chess in their childhood like 6 or 7 while I start playing at age 22. So you can guess how much late I was. But I played some of the extraordinary & creative games in such short period of time. Here people don’t accept that I started playing just 6 months ago hahaha.

But really Chess has completely transformed my life. First of all it showed me what I am capable of. If I can excel in such new challenges,I can excel in many new challenges too. Literally I was so addictive in chess,I had to stay away from the board for 3 months, but even after 3 months I beat players who were regularly playing. That was unbelievable & unimagined. 

Now i don’t play it anymore but I usually do practice openings,tactics & strategy.

But what I am going to share in this blog is 1 wrong decision I made in Mumbai.

I was so happy at starting because the group I got was extremely funny. I had so many great moments with them. Then I befriend with 1 girl. She was great no doubt. But when she got engaged with ny group she reacted very differently with me. Maybe she got interested in 1 of my friend,I never cared but she starts ignoring me & I felt about myself. Im due course of time I come to know that I was the face of their backbitching. Suddenly my group fall apart & the people whom I trusted so much behaved so differently just because of 1 girl. 

In that time I decided to ignore them & complete devotion to my games. Chess helped me alot in diverting my mind from negativities & focussed myself on sharpening my skills. Whole january I played more than 100 games & after that I never looked back. Well I came to know some harsh truth of human nature & social relationships but I am satisfied about that 1 RIGHT ROAD which I have chosen. 

Thank you all for taking your time in reading such boring blog😄😄😄

SANTA WENT TO ALLEPPO

What if Santa Claus would be real.

What if he went to Alleppo to give gift to those children.

What will those children ask for their gifts.

Chocolates or their family???

Will Santa be able to give them their happiness? Will Santa be able to brimg smile on their scared faces? Will Santa be able to explain that Allah & God are One?? Will Santa be able to erase all those deadly memories?

What will happen if SANTA WENT TO ALLEPPO???????

Mumbai

Finally I got my call letter from Accenture. I am going to join this company on 4th November & my location is Mumbai. Well I got my first preference.

It’s a kind of mixed feeling & there are many reasons. Like Accenture is a world renowned company . So I am happy for being a part of it. But on the other hand it’s not core for electrical engineers. 

2nd reason I am in very much doubt for choosing Mumbai. It’s extremely crowded city. Well that’s not my problem because from past 7 years I am living very far from my family. My problem is as my introvertness is increasing day by day it’s definitely going to be hard interacting with other colleagues . But still I am ready for this challenge.

3rd my ultimate dream of going to europe is still at stake & it’s a compulsion for me to fulfill that dream in next year by applying jobs or other universities. 

I know I am very talented but still my present scenario isn’t that good as it’s looking like.

 Leaving my hometown on 3rd evening for starting a new life. 

Finger crossed.